Reminiscence

At Kirori Mal College, University of Delhi | 24.04.2018

To younger me. To my younger self.

The grip of your fist holding memories is strong enough

as if a newborn holds his entire destiny

as if he cries and is reluctant to loosen the grip

Do you still fear losing memories?

Alas! Ageing overpowers retention potentialities

Hope you accept this soon!

Chasing one's shadows leads one nowhere

facing oneself is what one is ultimately left with

not all resistances are born to be successful

Let 'anitya' — the higher truth — win as always

Sand is meant to be blown in the air

A fist cannot hold it for long

I wonder!

Is anyone capable enough to conduct, contrary to one's own dharma?

Oh! Escaping remains an option

unless one realises he has conscience.

History reminds us every time —

at later ages, most ones see the sky clearly

the same, they couldn't view earlier, even with spectacles

Why there is a spiritual desire at this age —

to come closer to reality?

What if one remembers going through self-analysis?

what if one understands, it brings samyak drishti?

what if one knows, it can save one's atman from becoming impure?

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07.09.2026| Rahul Khandelwal 

Evanescent

Are you able to listen to them?

The echoes in the dark caves still call you

tears of the truth have dried up

even fossils fail each time to show the evidence

Reach out

lest the oil in the lamp dry and the wick burn out.

01.09.2026 | Rahul Khandelwal

शेष

रेत जब फिसल रही थी

क्या छुअन किसी और की थी?

गुज़रे हुए वक्त में

तुम नहीं बीत रहे थे?

समय किसी का मोहताज नहीं

बशर्ते कि तुम्हें ये याद रहे—

उसके संचालक तुम नहीं कोई और है

'शायद' वो ख़ुद ही है

(दावे से बचता हूँ)

यह एहसास अतीत की रेखा को कभी मिटाता नहीं

बिना उसके मुमकिन नहीं जान पाना—

मनुष्य के लिए

अस्तित्व, पहचान, और चेतना को

ज़मीन पर पड़े रेत के कण तुम्हारे अपने ही हैं

बचाया जा सकता है धूमिल होने से उन्हें

और बच सकता है तुम्हारा संपूर्ण "मैं"

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15.08.2026 | Rahul Khandelwal

Closure

How important is it to give closure?

Did you understand then? Why didn't you give one?

I went back a thousand times at our meeting destination

Did not even find our fragrance last time

I laughed, I cried then—

do humans have enough words to define their emotions?

Language always fails in such moments

I examined the documents containing memories of us

Tears did moisten the remaining dried fossils

as if digging them might get easier

Hope is a good thing, no? Is it so?

Now, portions of mine make occasional visits there

as if they're refusing to forget the address

You know naa—accepting the truth is never painful,

the resistance to accept it hurts the most

I'm still waiting for the closure

and you still accuse me of not giving one

Yes! I intentionally did not give the same.

To whom I consider as ones

shaping my 'idea of existence, identity and consciousness'

the corollary of which defines my 'idea of self'

I don't give them closure.

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10.08.2026 | Rahul Khandelwal

The understanding pertaining to taking into account material conditions only as part of the historical setting is limited. As it overlooks the other components like the understanding of epistemes (the underlying historical structures or frameworks) that constitute the historical conditions of possibility within which certain discourses emerge; these discourses, in turn, produce what is accepted as knowledge in a given historical period. Thus, historical setting not only includes that material conditions but also how people understand their time and space—their mentalities, moral standards—which together make the prevailing thoughts and thinking patterns in a given historical period.

डायलेक्टिक्स

दो तरह की भाँप उठती है

कहीं दूर घोर अंधेरे में

जहाँ की तह में पहुंचने के लिए

बाहरी और आंतरिक अन्तर्सम्बन्धों के संघर्ष से गुज़र रहा हूँ 

ध्यान की उस स्थिति ने दोनों का एक ही पता दिया है

मैंने दोहरा-दोहरा कर पूछा फिर भी

मुझे शक था

लेकिन मैं गलत साबित हुआ—पता एक ही था

एक भांप है इंद्रियों से उठती है

बेड़ियाँ अधिक है उसमें अपवित्र तृप्ति का मुखौटा ओढ़े

वो आज़ाद भी करती है और बाँधती भी है

गुहार—मैं बंधना नहीं चाहता

ये रास्ता अभिशप्त है दुःख भोगने के लिए

दूसरी का रास्ता शून्य की ओर ले जाता है

स्थिरता है वहाँ और सब कुछ पाख भी 

दुःख से परे और सुख से भी

लेकिन फिर भी आँसू बहते चले जाते है

सत्य ज़ोर-ज़ोर से पुकारता है

मेरे कानों को वो चीख लगातार सुनाई देती है

मैं उसे नज़रअंदाज़ किये जा रहा हूँ

अधार्मिक तृप्ति अभिशप्त है जीवित मृत्यु के लिए

मुझे ऐसी मृत्यु नहीं चाहिए

________________

27.07.2026

Rahul Khandelwal

"Power, using its state apparatuses, can produce one or multiple truths at a time. Many times it does to replace existing realities with manufactured truths, and many times it does to erase the truths humans are surrounded with completely. Heterodox fissures, within the structures, may arise from many cracks, out of which not all are the results of natural developments.

Humans, in order to understand the processes, are taught to acknowledge immediate factors and conditioned to ignore those forces operating beneath the surface of the events. There might be a hidden probability that such ignored forces are designed and manufactured to make sure that humans take notice of a few cracks or fissures and overlook many.

The nature of the modern state is more dangerous than what our expectations are."

_______________

18.07.2026

Rahul Khandelwal

सिहर जाता हूँ यह सोचकर भी कि मनुष्य याद करना भी भूल सकता है। दावे ज़ाहिर करने से हमेशा दूर रहा लेकिन यह कह सकता हूँ कि कम से कम एक जीवन के लिए तो स्मृतियाँ अमर नहीं रहती। हैरत है कि या डरता हूँ अगर जो ज़हन में भी आ जाएं कि समय के एक अंतराल की कुछ स्मृतियाँ सूख जाती है। कभी-कभी अतीत की चौखट लांघते ही वो अपना मालूम नहीं पड़ता कि जैसे अजनबी हो। क्या तुम्हारे भीतर कोई आवाज़ चीखती नहीं यह जानकर? तुम्हारे सच को अतीत की जिस याद में बनते हुए मैंने देखा था, वर्तमान की चौखट पर वो मेरे लिए कई अनबुझे सवाल छोड़ जाता है। मैं किस पर यकीन करूँ—तुम्हारे अतीत पर या वर्तमान पर? पर्दा मेरी आँखों पर डला था या नकाब तुम्हारे चेहरे पर?

"There is a difference between construction and evolution when it comes to discussing the ideas related to humanities. The genesis of the former carries the idea of conditioning and external imposition, whereas the latter imbibes the idea of natural growth independent of the conditions in which it is situated. Sadly, many a time, we overlook such distinctions and use both the conceptions interchangeably. We often forget that a slight deviation might turn the picture upside-down, potentially offering you a better view.

While examining such ideas, it is tedious to use deterministic frameworks created by someone with a superiority complex. The cosmos, nature, and human personality are inherently complex and difficult to comprehend, especially for those attempting to understand them using ideas having fixity issues."

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19.05.2026

Rahul Khandelwal

Infinity

Still remember

the distance between the two moles

beside your left eye.

Lights on the windows in the cold night

made you anxious.

Blushes hide your moles in the woolens.

It appears

as if a sense of pure touch

reduces the distance.

But the case is otherwise.

Fusion makes two souls one enough

as if one's process of breathing

intertwined with consistent memory of the other.

Becoming one

makes an illusion before others

as if the distance between them reduces.

Illusory! It transcends and reaches infinity.

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03.05.2026

Rahul Khandelwal